


Remember me, love me

by DestielIsFuckinReal



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Mutual Pining, Tattooed Castiel, a little angst i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-01-27 22:51:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielIsFuckinReal/pseuds/DestielIsFuckinReal
Summary: Finally this little bitch is out, I hope you enjoyed :p(ps: this is not beta'd and I haven't re-read it. All errors are mine)





	Remember me, love me

Cas is late. Cas is very late. And if it wasn't enough, the kid at the coffee machine is taking a lifetime to make his coffee, despite Cas being very clear on the fact that he's in a hurry.

The moment the kid hands him his coffee, Cas puts the money on the counter and all but bolt out the shop, and into his car. It takes five minutes less than the usual to get to work because Cas may or may not have broken few road rules.

«You're late» Meg greets him the second he enters the building.

«Alarm clock» Cas replies, not stopping, hoping that she will drop it and leave him. No such luck because he hears her high heels clicking on the white floor.

«You're lucky Crowley hasn't left his office the whole time since he arrived, or you'd be in serious troubles, Clarence»

«It's just today, Meg» he says, turning to her when he reaches the door of his office, «Won't happen again»

Meg purses her lips, «I hope so, Cas» and with that, she walks away.

~~~~~~~~~~

«Come on come on come on come on» Cas mumbles trying for the third time to start the car.

The sun is setting and he wants nothing more than go home and lay on the couch for few hours. If only his old Continental would start! He should have listened to Christie and buy another car. He sighs when it doesn't give an hint on starting any time soon, he takes his phone and dials Christie's number. She picks up at the second ring.

«Hey» she says and Cas can hear the smile in her voice, «Calling to check I didn't move your precious vinyl collection?»

Cas chuckles. He asked Christie to move in with him last week after nine months of them being together and asked her to not touch his vinyl, no matter what.

«I actually called to tell you that I will be a little late»

«Don't tell me, again that boneshaker you still insist to drive?»

«How do you know?» Cas gasps. «Anyway, I'll wait for a tow-truck and walk home»

«Ok, sure, but don't take too long, I'm cooking your favorite»

Cas smiles, «Heat it up if necessary»

«Be careful» Christie says softly, «I love you»

«Love you too» Cas replies and hangs up. He googles the nearest repair shop, one Singer Auto Salvage, and dials the number. It only takes fifteen minutes for a truck to come take the car and the man at the steering wheel tells Cas to come by in two days.

When Cas gets home, he finds Christie dealing with the microwave, her blond hair tied up in a messy bun. She didn't hear him coming, too focused on reading the handbook of the little oven, so he walks behind her and whispers in her ear.

«What are you doing?»

She jumps a little, startled, and shoves him, «You're the worse» she giggles.

«Still haven't learned how to work this thing out?» he says pushing some buttons, the microwave lighting to life.

«You have all those new age things, this» Christie points at the machine, «has far more buttons that I would ever imagine!»

«Sorry, I forgot you lived in the woods»

Christie hits him on the arm. «Whatever» she says, no real heat in her voice. Cas leans in to kiss her softly.

«How was your day?» she asks when they part.

«I was late but got away with it anyway because Crowley has been all the time locked in his office and then the car broke down»

«Because it's an old clunker»

Cas rolls his eyes, «I think I'll take your car tomorrow»

«Nah ha» Christie says wiggling her finger in front of Cas's face, «that's what you get for not listening to me about buying a new car»

«You'll never let this die, will you?»

«Nope» she says booping his nose and turning to the microwave when it starts beeping.

~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later, Cas is in the back seat of his Uber driver, a chatty red head with a Star Wars tshirt. Twenty minutes later, she leaves him at the workshop.

Singer Auto Salvage is a big yard with a small building used for offices, three garages, a shack in the back and a parking lot where the tow-trucks sit. People dressed in overalls walk back and forth, who's carrying small parts, who's grabbing various parts from the shack and so on. A man in a truck hat walks to Castiel the moment he spots him.

«You the boy of the Continental?» he asks when hes's close enough and Cas nods. «Follow me» he says and walks away with Cas right behind him.

The man leads Cas in an open space behind one of the garages. When he's out, he shouts, «Dean, here's the owner of the 78 Lincoln»

 _Dean_. Cas hasn't heard this name in years.

A man walks to them, and Cas can recognize those bowlegs everywhere. When he's close enough, Cas sees those familiar scattering of freckles, those bright, gentle green eyes he met long time ago.

«Cas?» Dean says and smiles.

That smile that makes Cas's heart skip a beat even after all this time.

«Dean»

~~~~~~~~~~

_Cas hears a knock on the door and lifts his eyes from the book he's reading. Today his new roommate is supposed to come. He stads up and goes to open the door and what he finds in front of him is a tall guy with long hair and a box in his hands. He looks way too young to attend college but before Cas can think much about it, the guy says, «Hi, I'm Sam Winchester, I'm helping my brother with his stuff» he smiles, his dimples making him look even younger._

_«I'm Cas» he replies and moves to give room to Sam to walk in. The young man puts the box on the empty bed the moment another voice comes from the corridor._

_«Samantha, quit dreaming about college and come help me!»_

_Sam rolls his eyes and excuses himself out the room. Seconds later, another figure walks into the room, the box he's carrying joining the one on the bed, revealing bright green eyes and a scattering of freckles. The guy smiles at Cas, «Hi» he says._

_«Hi» Cas replies, mirroring the smile._

_«I'm Dean» he adds, extending one hand. Cas takes it, «Cas»_

_«Nice name» Dean says, «Short for something?»_

_«Castiel»_

_«Castiel» Dean repeats._

~~~~~~~~~~

«I'll leave you to it, boy» the old man says patting Dean on the shoulder and wanders away.

«Thanks, Bobby. So, how've you been? It's been so long» Dean asks, turning to Cas.

Cas shrugs, «I'm fine, what about you? Sam?»

«Can't complain, really. Sam is great, married to a sweet lady he met in college. He's a lawyer now» Dean replies and his smile grows bigger talking about his brother.

Silence stretches for a few seconds when Dean clears his throat and says, «So, that pimp mobile is yours? Damn Cas, have I taught you nothing?» he chuckles and starts walking to where Cas's car is.

Cas scoffs and follows, «It has a sentimental value»

Dean rolls his eyes at him, «Old crap»

«What about you? You still drive that Chevy?»

Dean's smile widens, «She's my pride and joy, Cas»

«Your relationship with that car worries me, Dean» Cas says, feigning concern and Dean laughs. Cas loves his laugh because Dean seems to do it with his whole body. It's nice to fall back in the teasing so easily. Cas missed that.

«Shut up» Dean says when his laugh subsides and shoves Cas playfully.

«Anyway,» Dean starts when they've Cas's car in front of them, «the battery was down so we've replaced it» he opens the door and sits on the passenger seat, turning the key in the ignition, effectively starting the car. «Good as new» Dean smiles.

«Thank you»

Dean scratches the back of his neck, a nervous gesture, Cas knows, «It's my job» he says then looks up at Cas, «Tell you what, you go in the office and give the money to Rufus, I'll drive it out on the street and wait for you there» he smiles and gets in the car when Cas nods, driving away.

Castiel goes in the front building, searching for Rufus. Turns out, he's the man who was driving the truck two days ago. Cas pays and walks out again, finding Dean leaning against his car, and approaches him.

«It was nice to see you again, Dean» Cas says when he's close enough.

«Same here, man» Dean smiles, then adds, «Look... Uhm... What do you think if we get a coffee one day? Just, y'know, to catch up»

«I would love to, Dean»

«Cool. Cool. Tomorrow?» Dean says, moving away from the vehicle so Cas can get inside.

«Five o'clock, the coffee shop few blocks from the Hellhound firm» Cas smiles and opens the door, waving at Dean before driving away.

~~~~~~~~~~

 _«I didn't take you for a Foo Fighters fan» Dean says pointing at Cas's tattoo on the inside of his arm. He has written_ Make my way back home when I learn to fly high _in an elegant calligraphy._

_It's almost the end of September but it's still hot outside that both Cas and Dean are wearing short sleeves. Cas looks up at him from the book he's studying and tilts his head._

_«Who did you take me a fan of?» he asks, a teasing smile on his lips._

_Dean looks up the ceiling as to think about it, «Beyoncé»_

_Cas chuckles, «That's my twin sister Hannah»_

_Dean wrinkles his nose, «Close enough» and turns back to his own book.  Some time later, when they both close their books and lay on their respective beds for a well deserved rest, Dean asks «What's your family like?»_

_«I have an older brother, Gabriel, then Hannah and then there's Hael, she's four years and a half younger than me. My mother died giving birth to her. My mom, she... She studied languages and loved Enochian and everything about it, that's why all of us are named after Angels» Cas smiles softly at the memory of his mother, «She was so obsessed with it she used to whisper us protections in Enochian before putting us to bed» he unconciously touches the tattoo just above his hip, «it was the first tattoo I got» he says just above a whisper, a hint of sadness in his voice. Cas turns his head and finds Dean staring at him._

_«I'm sorry, Cas»_

_Cas smiles a little, «It's ok, it's been a long time ago»_

_Dean bites his lip, «What about your father?»_

_«He's a writer» Cas replies, and when Dean raises one eyebrow in question, he clarifies, «he goes by the name of Carver Edlund»_

_Cas suppresses a laugh at Dean's expression, wide eyes and mouth agape._

_«Dude,» Dean says after a moment, «my brother loves his books, every inch of his room is occupied with merchandise from the Supernatural saga»_

_«Yeah» Cas says proudly, «he's pretty famous around that age. What about you? What's your family like?»_

_«Well, you met Sammy already when I moved in, clever kid, makes me so proud. My mom died in a house fire when I was only four and my father...» Dean turns to look at the ceiling, «my father is a piece of work. Started drinking when my mom died and never stopped, was more passed out than awake, used to abuse us mostly verbally. "Watch out for Sammy, don't let him out of your sight". Once it happened, just_ once _, beat the shit out of me. He was a bounty hunter so we were at Bobby's, a family friend, when he was out for more than three days, he's been more than a father to us than John Winchester ever was. When he died, I was 15, Sammy 11, Bobby and his wife, Ellen, became our legal tutors»_

_Cas looked at him the whole time, thinking how a father would ever treat his children like that._

_«Dean, I'm...» he starts but Dean stops him, «It's ok, Cas, the guy is dead and I never felt sad, well, I did once, but after all the shit he put me through, I'm kinda glad he died, especially for Sam»_

_Cas nods and they stay silent for few minutes._

_«Would you like pizza for dinner?» Cas asks, just to change the topic._

_Dean smiles at him, the smile that makes the crinkles around his eyes show and Cas's heart jump, «I thought you'd never ask»_

~~~~~~~~~~

Cas walks into the coffee shop few minutes after five and sees Dean waving at him, already sitting at a table. Cas smiles and goes in that direction, sitting in front of Dean.

«Hey» he says.

«Hi» Dean replies and here is that smile again. A waiter comes to take their orders, two coffees, black, and they fall into an easy conversation as soon as the kid walks away. They talk about anything and everything, Dean tells Cas that Bobby decided to give him the auto shop when he retires and Ellen still works at the Roadhouse with her daughter Jo. Cas tells him that he works at the Hellhounds for Crowley, a snarky Scottish man that can perfectly fit in Hell as the King.

They laugh, joke and tease each other and Cas feels like he's 20 again.

«So, you seein' someone?» Dean asks at some point.

And there it is. The million dollars question. Cas wants to say that no, that he's single, but, truth be told, he can't do this to Christie. So he says, «I'm seeing someone, actually»

It seems that there's something on Dean's face, like disappointment, but it lasts only one second so maybe Cas imagined it.

«What about you?»

Dean shakes his head slightly, «Free as a bird» he replies with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

Cas doen’t know what else to say, but luckily he’s saved by Dean’s phone ringing. He checks the ID, then turns to Cas, an apologetic expression on his face, «Sorry, I have to get this one» he says, standing up, «It was nice to see you again, man»

«You too, Dean» Cas replies before Dean smiles again and answers the phone, leaving the shop and Cas alone at their table.

~~~~~~~~~~

«Hannah called» Christie says when Cas sits on the couche next to her that evening.

«What did she want?»

«She was searching for you, I told her you were with your friend and she told me he was very important to you at college, I’d like to meet him» she smiles.

Cas looks down at her, one eyebrow raised, «Really? Where’s the catch?»

Christie is a social butterfly, no wonder she would like to meet Dean.

«There’s no catch» and when Cas raises both his eyebrows, she rolls her eyes and sighs, «Fine, I want to know all the embarrassing college stories about you»

Cas shakes his head at her and stands up, «I’m going to call Hannah, then we’ll talk about this»

«You know you can’t say no to me» he hears her say before he opens the back door in the kitchen and walks outside, dialing Hannah’s number. She answers after a couple of seconds.

«You told her?» Cas says before she can say anything.

«Told her about what?» Hannah replies, confused.

«About my relationship with Dean»

«I’ve only told Christie that he was your best friend, Cas, not about your crush on him» she answers. Then, after a beat, she adds, «Don’t tell me you still have a crush on him»

«No… Yes… God, I don’t know» Cas says sitting on the porch swing, hiding his face in his free hand.

«Oh, Cassie» she says.

«Don’t pity me»

«I’m not pitying you»

«Whatever,» Cas says and leans on the swing, «Christie said you wanted to talk to me»

«Oh, yes» Hannah says and Cas is glad she dropped the topic. «It’s Hael’s birthday in few weeks and I was thinking to surprise her»

«Isn’t she a little of a grownup for a surprise party? And should I remind you that she lives in England now?»

«I know that, smarty pants, but I was talking about buying her a plane ticket for the States and celebrate here. I spoke to her some days ago and she told me she misses America and us, I thought why don’t give her that on her birthday?»

«That’s an awesome idea, Hannah» Cas smiles. «Have you talked to Gabe yet?»

«Yes, just ten minutes ago» she replies, «What about we meet tomorrow and go buy one?»

«I’m ok with that»

«Awesome, see you tomorrow then» Hannah says, and Cas knows she’s smiling just by hearing her voice. He smiles too.

«See you»

«Oh, and Cas?» Hannah says before he can hang up, «Don’t think much about it, ok?» and closes the call, leaving Cas sitting there alone for the second time that day.

Hannah is the only one who knows about his feelings for Dean, and she wasn’t even supposed to know! But because she’s clever, she of course found out. It was…

~~~~~~~~~~

_… few weeks to Christmas and Hannah asks Cas via Skype if he’s gonna come home for Christmas break or it will be like last year when he preferred to study at the campus._

_«No, Hannah, I’ll be home this year» he replies._

_Hannah’s smile widens, «Sweet, we’ll all be here for Christmas»_

_«Even Gabe?»_

_«Even Gabe» Hannah confirms._

_«Fantastic» Cas sighs. Gabriel doesn’t waste a moment to prank them, he just can’t help it._

_«You know we can always get him back» Hannah smirks, «it’s three against one»_

_«Yes, but Gabe is the king of pranks, you know that, he even printed t-shirts»_

_Hannah laughs and Cas too._

_When his laugh subsides, Cas asks, trying to sound nonchalant, «Are there some copies of dad’s last book?» and Hannah looks at him with a raised eyebrow._

_«Why you askin’?»_

_The thing is, Cas wants to give Dean’s brother the last Edlund Carver’s book,_ Bugs _. It will come out in about two weeks, and he’s thinking about this since Dean told him that Sam likes those books._

_«No particular reason» Cas says, not meeting her eyes._

_Hannah stays silent for a few seconds, then gasps. «Is it for someone?»_

_Cas looks up at her then, «No!»_

_She stares at him for few more seconds, studying him. God, he hates when she does that, she always can guess what’s going on in his head just by looking at him._

_«It’s for someone.» she says, and this time it isn’t a question. Cas blushes slightly. She goes on, «Well, not actually that someone in particular, more like someone else who’s important for them.» God, she's worse than Sherlock Holmes. A smile grows on her face and she says, in a sing-song voice, «Cassie has the hots for someone»_

_«Oh, come on, Hannah!» Cas says, burying his face in his hands._

_«Come on, come on, tell me, who is it?» she asks, and Cas is glad there’s a computer screen between them because he knows that if she was next to him, she’d poked the shit out of him._

_«My roommate» he says, face still in his hands._

_«Sorry, didn’t catch that»_

_Cas raises his face to look at her, «It’s my roommate. Well, the book is for his brother, actually»_

_«Is he hot?» she asks, wiggling her eyebrows._

_«What do you think?» Cas smirks at her._

_«Ooh, Cas» she laughs, «Tell me, how is he?»_

_«His name is Dean,» Cas starts. Gosh, he feels so stupid, talking about his crush with his sister, «green eyes, bow legs, freckles, funny» he smiles just thinking of Dean, «Kansas boy, but he lives in South Dakota now»_

_«He seems dreamy»_

_Cas looks down, feeling his blush deepen «He is»_

_«I’ll send you a copy of_ Bugs  _before Christmas break, baby brother»_

_«You’re older than me by just two minutes»_

_«Still counts» she winks and closes the call._

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Cas is in his office, staring at the phone. He’s debating if invite Dean for dinner as Christie suggested. Just as friends… right? He has his cellphone opened on the web page of Singer Auto Salvage, the number mocking at him from the screen. He sighs and rests his head on the desk. Should he do this? Honestly, he doesn’t know, it’s been almost fourteen years and, apparently, he still feels something for Dean if his heart beats faster every time he thinks of him or the way it seems to lose a beat when Dean smiled at him in the workshop and then at the coffee shop is of any indication. What if something slips out? What if not only he burns the chances with a friendship with Dean but also his relationship with Christie? _Don’t think much about it_ Hannah said last night on the phone, but he just can’t help it, he’s thinking about it.

 _Why is it so hard?_ Cas thinks. He lifts his head again, staring back at the ten digits on his cellphone screen.

«Let’s get this over with» he mutters to himself and dials the number.

«Singer Auto Salvage» a young voice says after a couple of rings.

«Yes, hello,» Cas says and feels his mouth go dry. He licks his lips and contiues, «I’m Castiel Shurley, I’m searching for Dean Winchester…?» he didn’t mean for it to come out as a question.

«Sure, wait a minute, buddy» the guy on phone replies and then there are muffled sounds coming from the other side. Few minutes later, Cas hears Dean’s voice.

«Heya Cas,» he says, and Cas can see his smile, «that car of yours still giving you problems? Because if so, you shoulda change it»

«Hello Dean,» Cas can’t help it, he smiles too. «the car is ok, better than ever actually, I was wondering if you were free tonight, I spoke to Christie about you and she’d like to meet you»

There’s silence on the other line for a few beats, then Dean clears his throat and asks, «Christie is the person you’re seeing, right?»

Cas bites at his lip. «Yeah» he replies.

«Cool» Dean says and doesn’t sound very excited, «I’ll meet you there then»

«Dean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to»

«No, no. I do want to, it’s that…» Dean trails off. «Look, I have to go back to work, but text me the address and we can arrange the details, ok?» he says and gives Cas his number, who writes it down.

«I’ll see you tonight, then» Cas says.

«Sure thing, bud, have a good day»

«You too» Cas replies and Dean hangs up.

Cas sighs, «Well, that was easy» and sends a quick text to Christie.

**You: I asked Dean to come over tonight and he accepted**

He puts the phone away to concentrate on his work.

Half hour later, all the papers are done and Cas stretches before checking his phone to see what Christie replied.

**Christie: sweet. I was thinking rosbif, I hope he likes it, God! I hope he isn’t vegetarian!**

**Christie: and I made pie, hope it’s ok that too**

Cas chuckles.

**You: believe me, Dean isn’t vegetarian and he loves pie as much as he loves his brother, if not more**

**Christie: wow, I nailed it, I feel kinda pleased with myself now**

**You: I’m almost off and we can talk about details later, ok?**

**Christie: sure thing, see you xx**

Cas smiles and checks the numbers one more time before transferring them on the computer, save the document and go meet Hannah and Gabriel as planned before heading home.

~~~~~~~~~~

They settle for 7pm. Cas texts Dean with time and address and he’s there at 7 sharp.

Cas opens the door to a smiley Dean in jeans, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and green flannel that brings out his eyes.

 _Damn_ , Cas thinks.

«Hey, Cas» he says.

«Hello Dean, please come in» Cas replies and moves to let the other man inside. That’s when Christie appears, smiling when Dean presents her the bouquet of sunflowers he had in his hand with a «You must be the woman who took Cas out of his comfort zone»

Christie chuckles while Cas rolls his eyes.

«I’m not an introvert» Cas says.

«Introvert» Dean whispers to Christie, who lets out a small laugh.

«Oh, come on, Cas» she says, taking a vase and putting the flowers inside with water, «you weren’t very talkative when we first met»

«I’d like to hear that» Dean says, following.

«Is this dinner going to become an occasion to embarrass me?»

Dean and Christie exchange a look.

«Oh God, spare me» Cas sighs.

They sit at the table, Christie by Cas’s side and Dean in front of him. The both of them clicked together (mostly because of Dean’s embarrassing stories about Cas at college) and Cas can’t take his eyes off of Dean. The way his eyes crinkle when he laughs or how his brows knit together when he’s trying to remember something, he’s beautiful. Apparently the spark hasn’t really died in the years apart, but it only grew, especially in these few days. Castiel is royally fucked.

«So, Dean, what do you do for a living?» Christie asks then.

«I’m a mechanic at my uncle Bobby’s garage, Singer Auto Salvage. I also help his wife Ellen at her restaurant, the Roadhouse, from time to time, they did so much for me and my brother when we were young, it seems just fair to me, y’know»

«That’s so nice of you» Christie smiles.

Dean shrugs, «I try»

The evening passes nicely between laughs, jokes and stories from college, much to Cas's joy.  When they finish eating, Dean insists to help Christie with the chores, and they end up washing the dishes together while Cas finishes some papers from work (both Dean and Christie shooed him out of the kitchen, mostly because she wants to know more about his life in college, he knows that). When it’s time for Dean to go home, he says his goodbyes with a hug for Cas and a kiss on the hand for Christie.

No one notices Dean forgot his ring hidden between few cups.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Christie announces that her sister, Letha, is in town and that they'll have brunch together. Cas is home alone, enjoying a book during his free day when he hears a knock on the door. He isn't expecting anyone at this hour. He stands up and takes it, surprised to find Dean. He's wearing his overall, twisting his hands.

«Hey, buddy» he says, «I wouldn't bother you, but I think I forgot something here yesterday, do you mind if...?»

Cas blinks at him, «Yeah, sure» he says and steps aside to let Dean enter.

The mechanic heads for the leaving room, looking around a bit, then goes in the kitchen. Cas follows. Dean looks around the sink, between the dishes he washed yesterday with Christie, then turns to the cups. When he finds what he's searching, he fist bumps the air, «Found it!» he says triumphantly.

Cas leant on the doorframe the whole time, he smiles when Dean finds the ring and slips it into his finger.

Dean turns around and sees Cas, he looks down, almost shy, and says, «Sorry, it's just... It was my mother's, I never leave it unless I put my hands under water, I don't know, it's a habit of mine» he chuckles, «I was really worried I lost it» he looks at the ring again, then up to Cas, «it's like she's always with me. I'm sorry I've bothered you, I'll leave now»

«No problem» Cas smiles, «I would like some company, actually»

Dean looks around, «Where's Christie?»

«Out, with her sister» Cas replies and walks to the fridge, «want a beer?»

«Thanks, but I really have to go, I asked Bobby only twenty minutes»

«Oh, sure» Cas says, «I'll walk you out»

«You know,» Cas starts again when they're at the door, «you can come over whenever, we like to have you here» **_I_** _like to have you here_ , Cas thinks but doesn't say.

«I'd like that» Dean replies with a smile.

They stare at each other a moment too long, not able to look away. Somehow, Dean seems closer. Cas's eyes drop on Dean's lips without meaning it, so soft and inviting, and when he looks up, he notices Dean's eyes are on his lips too. It all happens at once, Cas is not sure who started it, he only knows he's kissing Dean and Dean is kissing him. It's not rushed, just a press of lips. One of Dean's hands comes up to cradle Cas's face, Cas's hands coming up to curl in Dean's overall. It's when Dean's tongue shyly comes out to lick at his lower lip that Cas comes back to reality. He jerks away from Dean, panting slightly.

«This is wrong» Cas says. _Then why does it feel like the opposite?_

«No, Cas, it's not» Dean says, coming closer and putting one hand on the other man's hip. He leans in again, but Cas pushes him lightly, making him step back a little.

«I can't do that»

«You weren't complaining a minute ago»

«Dean, I'm...»

«Tell me you don't want this» Dean continues, like Cas didn't speak, «just tell me and you'll never see me again»

Cas stays silent. He wants this, God knows how much he does. He's so confused, since that day he saw Dean at the auto shop, but he can't just go and elope with him. What if it doesn't work? What if he ruins their friendship? And there's Christie too.

«Tell me this isn't one sided.» Dean goes on, coming close again, «I know you feel what I feel» he finishes, almost in a whisper.

Cas looks at him, stares in those forest green eyes he never really forgot and says, «I... I wish circumstances were different»

He moves away from Dean's arms and opens the door, silently asking him to leave. Something changes in Dean's eyes for a moment and then he's out without a word.

Only when Cas hears the rumble of the Impala fading away he lets himself slide down the wall and hide his face between his knees. He wishes his heart would stop beating so fast.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a week and Cas hasn’t seen Dean since. He thinks of it sometimes, of course he does, he's only human. Dean's soft lips on his, his hands on his face...

«Cas? Cas!»

He feels hands shaking him.

«I'm sorry,» Cas apologizes to Christie, who crosses her arms, «what were you saying?»

«You seem distant lately, distracted»

«Sorry, it's just...» Cas pinches his nose, leaning on the table. A thunder rumbles in the distance. «It's work, it's been a rough week»

Christie raises one eyebrow, «You're not lying to me, are you?»

«What's that supposed to mean?»

«I mean, I know your exhausted face and it's not that, plus you've been weird the whole week»

«I'm fine, I swear» Cas says.

Christie eyes him a moment longer, then she asks, «Is it something to do with Dean? Did something happen between you two?»

«Nothing happened with Dean» Cas says and walks to the kitchen.

Christie follows him, «Seriously? Because it looks like it»

Rain starts pouring outside. Castiel leans on his hands on the counter.

«First you don’t tell me of his existence, I had to find out about him from your sister, weird since he was one of your closest friends at college, then you’re all hesitant when I ask you to meet him, and now you want to always avoid the “Dean argument” every time I bring him up, it’s like…» she stops. Cas looks up, sees the cogs moving in her head.

«You…» she starts again, understanding dawning on her.

«No» Cas says before she can say more, «I love you, Christie»

«But you love him more» Christie replies.

Cas looks at her a moment, then stares down at the counter. He wants to deny it, wants to not feel what he feels for Dean, because, ok, Dean was right last week. It can’t be, it’s been years now, he’s happy with Christie. But he also knows it’s all lies.

«I'm sorry» he says at last, not looking up.

Christie sighs and looks up at the ceiling. «I knew it» she says so quietly that Cas has to concentrate on tuning the sound of the pounding rain out to hear it.

Cas looks up, «What?» he asks, confused.

Christie sighs again and looks at him in the eye, «I saw it. At dinner. I saw how you looked at him the whole time, when he wasn't looking, when you thought no one was... it's how people want to be looked at by someone they love. And Dean is not any better»

Cas opens his mouth and closes it again. That's when Christie's phone goes off, signaling a text. She checks it.

«It's Letha, she says she’ll be here in five minutes because we were supposed to have dinner together, like I was telling you. I think I'll stay with her and my mother for a while»

«Wait, are you leaving me?»

Christie looks up from the phone. «I'm saving myself from a life of lies» she snaps, «I can't stay here and see you pining for someone else, I can't be the water between you and your green light, so yes, I’m leaving»

«Christie…»

She raises a finger to stop him, «Shut up, Cas» and walks to the bedroom.

Cas goes after her, and sees her taking a bag from the closet.

«Christie come on, we can fix this»

She turns from the clothes she's putting in the bag.

«For how long have you felt this way towards Dean?»

«I...»

«For how long?» she repeats, raising her voice, «Since college? So, let's say, twelve years? Thirteen?»

When Cas doesn't reply, she adds, «Exactly» and turns again to the bag.

Cas crosses his arms on his chest, «So that’s it? It’s over?»

Christie slings the bag on her shoulder and turns to him. «I don’t want to see you miserable»

«I’m not miserable! I’m happy!»

«Maybe now, but will you in two years? Or in five? What if one day you wake up and think of that time I stopped you from going to Dean and be really happy? What if you’re gonna blame me or even yourself for _this_ choice, to be with me instead of someone you still feel something for?»

«How do you know this is what will happen?»

«Because I know you, Cas, and I know people like you. You think too much of what could have been and what couldn’t have and you close in on yourself for days or weeks, you will beat yourself up over and over and I don’t want this for you» she places one hand on his cheek, «I love you, Cas, but I don’t want to be the one who stopped you from having a beautiful life with the person you want to _really_ be with»

Cas puts his hand on hers.

She kisses his other cheek.

«Goodbye, Castiel»

He sits on the bed, looking at where Christie just was. He hears the door closing. It doesn’t slam, it closes delicately, and Cas wants to imagine it, imagine all this conversation didn’t happen, but in reality, it did and everything he thought would come, occured.

He lays on the bed and, at some point, he falls asleep.

When Castiel wakes up, it’s still dark and raining outside.

The clock on the nightstand says it's few minutes after midnight. Cas sighs and goes to the kitchen. He needs alcohol, but then remembers he has none in the house.

Damn Christie and her "no alcohol" healthy lifestyle, she threw all his liquor down the drain. That was a big fight.

 _Fuck it_ , Cas thinks and changes into a pair of jeans, not bothering to put on another t-shirt, and heads for the door. He's gonna drive to a random bar and drink there, it's not like there isn't at least one open at this time of the night anyway.

He drives and drives, until he sees a building with lights on. It has a sign, Cas can see the neon, but the rain makes it impossible to read the words, at least from the road. Cas decides that it’s as good as any and parks the car in the driveway, not bothering to glance up at the red, neon letters above his head. The place is homey and it has a pool table too. It seems the kind of place where lumberjacks go.

Castiel walks to the bar where a blond girl is serving drinks and sits on one of the stools.

«Hello, stranger» she says with a smile on her face, «welcome to the Roadhouse, what can I do for you?»

The Roadhouse. Great, just his luck. To all places in this shithole of town, he had to go in the one where Dean works part-time.

«What do you have here?» he asks.

«All kind of alcohol, sweetheart»

«Whiskey then. Neat» Cas says and the bartender smiles and pours him a glass.

«Anything else I can help you with?»

Cas doesn’t want to ask, but his mouth seems to think differently, «Is Dean here?»

The girl quirks an eyebrow at him, then says, «He’s not here tonight, probably home binge watching something with this weather, how do you know him?»

«He is… was my friend, I don’t even know anymore at this point» Cas chuckles, then adds, because apparently he can’t shut up tonight, «I need to talk to him»

«Wait,» she stops him, «you’re Cas, aren’t you?»

Cas looks at her a moment more, then he nods.

«Your blue eyes gave you away, Dean can’t shut up about them» she says, almost amused, then she licks her lips and Cas is afraid of what could come next from her mouth, maybe that Dean doesn’t want to see him anymore, that he really meant what he said last week and that she’s gonna beat his ass if he only but thinks to go near Dean in the next future. But she just takes a pen from her apron and extends her arm.

«Give me your hand» she demands and Cas does it. She writes down an address and, when Cas looks at her in confusion, she explains, «It’s where Dean lives» she shrugs, «he’s been weird lately, so I pressured him and he told me what happened between you guys. I can’t see him that way, he keeps shrugging it off, but I’ve known him my whole life, I know when he wants to bottle up his feelings»

«Thank you» Cas says.

«You’re welcome» she smiles, «tell him Jo says hi»

Cas smiles back and walks out the bar and into his car, driving to Dean’s home.

It's not a long drive, maybe two or three blocks, but the universe of whatever is up there decides to play with Castiel at some point and a tire blows out. Cas curses, rain is pouring outside and Cas doesn’t have an umbrella in the car.

He looks out the window and sees that Dean’s home is just two houses down.

«Oh, fuck it» Cas mutters and gets out of the car. He runs to Dean’s house, getting soaked, the light beige of his trench coat becoming a dark brown.

Cas is shivering when he gets to Dean’s porch. He takes a deep breath and he’s thinking to go back for a moment, but then changes his mind again and knocks on the door.

There’s a shuffling noise from the inside and Dean’s voice comes muffled from the other side, «Ash, you son of a bitch, I told you I’ll stay home tonight, don’t make me cut your…» Dean’s threat dies on his tongue when he sees it’s Cas at his door.

«Ash still styles his hair in a mullet, uh?» Cas says, hoping his smile looks convincing despite his tremor.

«Cas, what are you doing here?»

«I wanted to talk to you»

«Come inside before you catch something» Dean says grabbing him by the arm and pulling him inside, and Cas goes willingly.

«Wait here» Dean says and walks away. He returns after a couple of minutes with a towel that gives to Cas.

«There's, ah, a change in the bathroom, I figured you'd use it...» he says, not meeting Cas's eyes, «you can leave your drenched clothes there»

«Dean, I...» Cas starts, but Dean stops him.

«We'll talk later, ok?»

Cas just nods and walks in the direction Dean shows him. He finds a couple of towels and a pair of sweetpants with a faded tshirt in the bathroom and he changes in them after drying himself off. He leaves his clothes on the edge of the bathtub.

When Cas walks back in the living area, there's the smell of hot chocolate in the air and he follows it, finding Dean busy on the burner, two cups on the counter.

Cas clears his throat. «Jo gave me your address. She says hi by the way»

Dean chuckles while pouring the hot chocolate in the mugs, «Of course she did, can't keep her big mouth shut» he says walking to Cas and gives him one cup, «How did you find her anyway?» he asks, a smile on his face, while going to the living room.

Cas follows him, «I needed a drink and ended up at the Roadhouse, she somehow recognized me»

He sits beside Dean. «With this rain?» he asks and Cas just shrugs.

They stay silent for some minutes, Cas trying to get the courage to tell Dean what he came for, and Dean seems to understand because he doesn't pressure him. He's always been like that.

Cas sets his mug on the coffee table. «You were right» he starts, «I want this, God knows how much I want this, but I was afraid and-- and-- and-- and confused, since the day I saw you at the autoshop, and, I don't know, feelings I thought I grew out of came back, and then you kissed me and I couldn't think of anything else and...» Cas sighs and hides his face in his hands. «This is so stupid, I don't think I can ever have your forgiveness after how I behaved with you»

Dean pats him on the back, «Cas, it's alright» he says and, when he notices that Cas is breathing a little too fast, he adds, «You're not having a panic attack now, are you?»

«I think I might»

Cas feels Dean stand up and his hands are on his wrists a second later.

«Hey, hey Cas, look at me» Dean demands, «breathe with me» he says when Cas meets his eyes, «in and out, in and out»

Cas does as he's told, copying Dean's breathing, never looking away from those green irises. When his breathing is back to normal, Dean smiles.

«Ok?»

«Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry, I haven't had one in years»

«No problem»

Dean doesn't move from where he's kneeling in front of Cas. He's still smiling and he's oh so beautiful like when they were 22, sharing a room at college.

«We broke up» Castiel blurts out, «me and Christie, we... We broke up»

«Cas, I'm...»

«She figured it out, she... She knew it and she's right» Cas stops, wets his lips, «I want this» he repeats, «I've wanted it for a long time now»

It seems this is all Dean needs because one second later, Cas feels his lips on his again, but this time, when Dean licks shyly at his lower lip, begging for entrance, Cas opens up to him. Dean’s hands travel from Cas’s wrists to his thighs and finally hips, thumbs drawing circles on the fabric of his borrowed tshirt, while Cas buries his hands in Dean’s light brown hair. Cas kneels in front of Dean to get him closer, while their kisses become more frantic and heated.

«Cas, wait» Dean says when they break apart for air, «are you sure?»

«Why wouldn’t I be?» Cas asks and leans in again, but Dean stops him with a hand on his chest.

«Because you just broke up with your nine months girlfriend and went out for a drink, you’re vulnerable right now buddy, and I don’t want to be just something to get some steam off of you» Dean replies and he sounds doubtful, maybe even a little hurt.

«Dean» Cas starts, taking the other man’s hands in his, «you deserve more than just a one night thing, and I’m not giving you that.» he lets their eyes meet, «I was serious when I said I have feelings for you, I had back in college and I have now, I’m not doing this because I feel vulnerable, trust me on that»

«Yeah,» Dean nods, «yeah, ok» and they’re kissing again.

It’s not long before they stumble into Dean’s bedroom, on Dean’s bed and they start undress each other between kisses, Dean asking once again if Cas is sure to go down this path and Cas kissing him silent, showing Dean just how much he’s sure. Cas opens Dean up slowly, kissing every part of his body, every freckle, and when he buries himself in Dean, it’s glorious. The room is filled with breathy moans and Dean’s voice chanting like a prayer Cas’s name, along with the slap of skin on skin. Dean comes first with one hand on his cock, followed soon after by Cas, who empties himself in the condom and falls on Dean, both breathing heavy. They stay like that for a while, until Cas takes the condom off and turns around to throw it in the trash can beside the bed after tying it. Dean comes up behind him and wraps him in his arms, kissing his shoulder.

«You didn’t have those when we met» he says on Cas’s skin, tracing his fingers on the outline of the wings on Cas's back.

«I got them in Pontiac, when my father died. He used to call us his little angels» Cas replies, smiling at the memory.

«What about this line?» Dean asks, touching the words written just under the secondary feathers, « _Endings are hard. But then again, nothing ever really ends_ »

Cas turns around to look at him, «My father again. He used to say it to cheer us up. Like when my mother died»

Dean kisses his forehead, «I’m sorry»

«It’s ok» Cas smiles a little, «it’s been a long time ago now»

Dean leans in to give Cas a sweet kiss, then grabs the shirt from where it's been tossed and cleans them up before putting the covers on both of them. He brings Cas closer, tucking his nose in his dark locks and Cas leaves a little kiss on Dean's chest.

Before falling asleep, Cas hears Dean mumbling, «Love you Cas, always have»

Cas's fingers stop the little motion they're doing on Dean's skin. He takes a deep breath, he can do this, say the words that he's always thought years ago and then again when he saw Dean at Singer Auto Salvage.

«I love  you too»

Dean probably heard him, if his arms bringing him impossibly closer are of any indication.

**Author's Note:**

> Finally this little bitch is out, I hope you enjoyed :p
> 
> (ps: this is not beta'd and I haven't re-read it. All errors are mine)


End file.
